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Being an Ally to Gays and Lesbians

What is an Ally?

An ally is a family member or friend of a person who is lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender (LGBT). Allies realize that to love a person means loving them as they are.

Why do LGBT people need allies?

It is a widely available statistic that an estimated 10% of the population is comprised of LGBT people. This means that one in four families have a sexual minority within their immediate circle and almost everyone loves someone who is LGBT within their extended circle of friends and

Despite decades of progress towards universal human rights, the LGBT community still confronts criticism, discrimination, and animosity. Alarmingly, these prejudices and stereotypes are often much more socially acceptable when directed towards sexual minorities than towards many ethnic, racial, and religious minorities.

By forming an alliance with those that we love, we can forge a bridge of understanding and support that will strengthen the fabric of our society.

What can allies do?

• Help LGBT people feel supported and included.
• Help others understand more about LGBT experiences.
• Support fairness and justice for everyone.
• Make our neighborhoods, communities, and our world a safer place for everyone.

How can I get started?

We cannot love or befriend those that we do not understand. Strong allies learn about LGBT issues and share their insights with others. Here are some basic ways to do so:

• Find Out
• Ask Questions
• Support Your LGBT Friends & Family
• Educate & Advocate

Support your LGBT friends & family

A real friend walks in when everyone else walks out.

• Tell them you love them
• Invite the 1m (and any significant other) to activities with your heterosexual friends
• Learn to use the words gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transsexual and transgender comfortably and correctly
• Go out dancing together
• Be interested in their romantic life and significant others. If they are in a committed relationship, be sure to ask about “partners” rather than “boyfriends” or “girlfriends” showing your acceptance of both same-sex and opposite-sex couples.
• Join PFLAG, GLSEN, GLAAD and other support groups
• Share the same kinds of pastimes
• Talk to them about the same things as you do with other friends (music, weekends, parties, parents, dates, movies, studies, ect). Their sexuality is just one part of their life (just as it is with yours) and should not dominate all of your conversations with them.
• Volunteer for or contribute to organizations that support the LGBT community
• Go to coffee with friends
• Be as physical (or not) just as you are with heterosexual friends
• Check in with them if there has been an anti-gay incident on campus or in the news
• Do not inform others of their sexual orientation or identity without prior consent. In fact, as with all good friends: if they tell you anything in confidence, honor that trust.
• Attend the gay rodeo
• Go to a LGBT Pride Day
• JOIN THE PARADE!!!
• Tell them you love them.

Educate & Advocate

The responsibility of tolerance lies with he who has the

• Make LGBT issues a comfortable part of your everyday conversation, just as you might talk about music, a class, or political ideas.
• Let people know you don’t want to hear offensive slang, anti-gay jokes, stereotypical remarks, or put-downs of LGBT people.
• Write an editorial when someone prints a slanderous article about the LGBT community.
• Volunteer with efforts to clean up hateful graffiti
• Stand up against harassment of a person or group perceived as LGBT
• Join a political rally
• Write a letter to your legislators encouraging them to defend the civil rights of the LGBT community
• Report illegal discrimination, hate crimes, and abuse to the authorities.

Some Terms to Know

When communicating with others regarding the LGBT community it is important to use the correct terminology comfortably and confidently. The LGBT community is vastly diverse group, even among itself. Below are some of the major groups of sexual minorities:

Gay: A man attracted to another man. Can also be used

Lesbian: Women who are attracted to other women.

Bisexual: attracted to both men and women.

Transgender: A person who challenges traditional ideas about gender. Generally lives as a gender opposite to his/her

Transvestite: A person who enjoys dressing in clothes

Crossdresser: Polite term for transvestite.

Drag Queen: Female-emulating males, often done for entertainment.

Drag King: Male-emulating females, often done for entertainment.

Butch: Masculine person

Femme: Feminine person

Androgen: A person appearing and identifying as neither man or woman, presenting themselves as either mixed or

Transsexual: A person who’s sexual identity (yet not necessarily their orientation) is opposite their assignment at birth. Not all TS folk undergo sexual reassignment surgery

FTM (female to male): Transsexual who is born female but

MTF (male to female): Transsexual who is born male but

Intersex: A person born with mixed sexual physiology.

Queer: Any person who expresses sexuality, identity and/or

These categories are not rigid. Someone who identifies as heterosexual may have same-sex fantasies. A gay man may have been married to a woman in the past. A straight woman may become sexually involved with another woman. Always use the term that the individual has self-identified with.

A Common Question:

Will people think you’re

Perhaps, one great way to show your support for LGBT people is to be OK if this happens. Correct any misunderstandings without getting flustered or defensive. Then people will see that you are comfortable with yourself as well as with the LGBT community.

Other Resources

GLSEN (Gay-Lesbian-Straight Educators Network): Educational www.glsen.org

GLAAD (Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation): Activism to fight homophobia and support positive depictions of LGBT people in the media. www.glaad.org

Find Out

• Read books by or about LGBT people
• Attend a workshop about diversity or homophobia
• Visit your local Stonewall Center
• Research topics at the library of the university campus LGBT Resource Center
• Read poetry or stories with LGBT themes
• Visit informative web sites such as Parents, Family, & Friends of Lesbians and Gays, www.pflag.org; Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation,www.glaad.org; and Gay-Lesbian-Straight Educators Network, www.glsen.org.

Ask Questions